The Music behind the Drive

I admit it.  I am a music listener.  I normally run with music playing.  I sleep with music.  When my classroom is quiet, I will typically put music on, or let the kids use their iPods.  It's how I let my mind settle. 

Last night, Shattered by O.A.R. came on my Pandora station which reminded me as to why I started running in the first place.  I've come to realize over the last year I'm a pretty broken person.  I mean, you don't end up single, like really single with no light at the end of the tunnel at 26, for nothing.  I'm an introvert and extremely awkward in social settings, which sounds ridiculous since I teach/talk to people all day long, but it's true.  I tend to either talk to much because I feel weird in silence, or I don't know what to talk about and stay completely quiet (which is typical in a group setting).  I'm not your stereotypical female either.  I'm low maintenance, to the point where be fawned over really just drives me nuts.  I am easily embarrassed-being 5'9", 129 lbs, 16.24% body fat with a 19.4 BMI.  I should be an athlete.  And, I am, but when someone smirks at my 2:20:18 half marathon time and says 'I didn't even train and ran a half in 1:30:00." Even though I know the likelihood of that is slim to none, it's still a little bit of drag on the self esteem.  And, that just turned into a bit of a rant...sorry...I shall continue.

After Shattered came on, It made me think of the songs I turn to now.  Carry On by Fun. has got to be one of the most incredible songs I have ever listened to.  Not because of the current trendiness of the band, but  the lyrics are truly powerful.   Lines Like:

'Let your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground, Carry On'
'My head is on fire, but my legs are fine, after all they are mine.'
'Because we are, we are shining stars, we are invincible, we are who we are.  On our darkest day, when we are miles away, so we will come, and we will find our way home.'

I run to forget about the past.  I run to calm the fire in my head.  I run because it makes me feel at home, finally.  This community feels like home.  The people are inspiring, encouraging and non-judgemental.  I should have figured that out after my first full when there were only 20 runners.  The 1st place runner finished approximately 3 hours ahead of me...HOURS....  When I rounded the corner and saw the last straight away of the race, the after party was done, the finish line was torn down, none of the vendors were there anymore, and the only people left were the race crew and like 5 others..one of which was the first place marathoner; Cheering me on as I came across the finish line.  I was 7,000 miles away from 'home,' but, in a sense, I felt like I was temporarily home.  Running has given me a home.